How to fit in as a German while in Germany

This entry is meant to be a simple guide to help those who may be planning on coming to Germany at some point in their lives. The great thing about Germany is that things really don't change much as the years roll on, so feel free to bookmark this and use it even if Germany isn't in your plans until 2025. Everything written will still hold true, probably until the turn of the next century. This guide can also be helpful for those that may never even step foot in this wondrous country. Use a few of the hints written here to gain favor at your local German restaurant, because everyone knows more gravy is better than less gravy on your knodel.

No matter what they say, Germans still love David Hasselhof

It's seriously freaky. I've seen grown men weep when one of his videos comes on at the local Gasthaus. I think it's out of respect and joy, but sometimes German emotions can be hard to read. The picture to the left was taken at the local Rewe grocery store in my town. The Germans try to indoctrinate the kiddies at an early age. I think there is even an hour of "Hasselhof Appreciation" at every kindergarten in Germany twice a week ensuring the youngsters carry on the love-fest for this cultural icon. But, ask a German while in Germany how many Hasselhof records they own and they will look at you with a quizzical expression as if they have no idea who or what you are talking about. They go to great lengths to keep Germany's love affair with the Hof a secret - I'm not sure if it's out of selfishness or shame. Either way, never approach this topic directly. Before coming to Germany, watch some Knight Rider, endure a few episodes of Baywatch, learn a couple of the Hof's songs - they will just know you are one of them without you saying a word. If you put in the effort and truly learn to embrace the Hof, don't be surprised when you get invited to sit at the Stammtisch (locals table) hoisting brews with dudes in lederhosen and slamming one liter mugs together while shouting, Prost!

German Fashion - the socks and sandals thing is true

I still remember being laughed at by a large group of German High School students when I was on exchange in Germany the summer before my senior year. Our group had been in Berlin the week before and I had found a screaming deal on some Birkenstocks at the KaDeWe department store. Both Jamie Peters and I bought a pair. However, I was the only one who decided to wear them to our first day of classes at the Gymnassium (German HS). To this day, I still believe I was laughed at because I didn't wear socks with my sandals. Oh, I tried to at first, slipping the sandals over my socked feet as I was getting ready to leave in the morning. I felt silly, though, and ended up going sans socks for a more natural, and in my opinion, more comfortable sandal-wearing experience. To this day, I still won't wear socks with my sandals even after experiencing this humiliation. I am in the minority, however, while living here. Check out the chap in the picture on the right (taken today). Fair enough, I've gotten used to seeing such things over here, but this guy had Mickey Mouse socks on for craps sake! Mickey Mouse! Anyway, I still get looked at funny when going sockless in my Birks or Tevas but I just don't care. For anyone visiting, though, I do recommend packing some sandal socks to avoid getting stared at, or worse yet, laughed at. There is a fine line with acceptance over here and this can only help you.

More German Fashion - this one geared towards the ladies

I don't have a lot to say on this. I can only pass along what I have observed and learned while living here. For some God-awful reason, 85% of Bavarian women above the age of 40 dye their hair. I'm not talking highlights or casual touch-ups either. I'm talking dye colors that defy nature. Colors that will never be found in a box of Crayolas. Colors that don't exist on the ROY G BIV color spectrum. I don't think it is absolutely necessary for a visitor to go to these lengths since the practice is not ubiquitous, but doing so may gain you A LOT of favor with the locals. If you do decide this is an avenue you want to take before coming to Germany, just be aware that you may experience a lot of stares and even spontaneous crying from little kids who happen to gaze upon your 'do before landing in ze Vaterland.

That's it for tips tonight. I'll add more in the coming days. Hey, I'm here to help. If you have any specific questions about Germany or any worries before coming over, I'd be happy to address what I can. I don't know everything about this country - yet.

Okay, time to go put some of Hof's music on and slowly drift off to sleep.........